22 November 2014

kids say the darndest things

More old quotes discovered while going through computer files

Clutching my hand excitedly after my birthday was announced during the morning run-down at school:

Felicidades en su cumplanos, Miss! [Happy birthday, Miss!]

Some students were looking through a human body book and laughing at the pictures of naked babies: 

Other student:  MISS!  They’re mocking the human body!

Talking with a student about after school tutorials assignments:

Mith, I talked to Jethuth and athked him to put me in your tutorialth group.   [Miss, I talked to Jesus and asked him to put me in your tutorials group....This student had a strong lisp.]

Talking about a previous student:

Student:  Do you know Jathon, mith?
Me:  Yes, he was in my class last year.
Student:  Oh, well he’th my couthin mith.
Me:  Really?!  You’re nothing like him!
Student:  I know…he’th alwayth getting into fighth over at [the middle school].  But nextht year, when I go to middle thchool, maybe I’ll be like him, getting into fighth.
Me:  No!  You can’t do that!  Make the right choices for yourself!
Student:  Ok, mith, I’m going to be a thmartie.

During a lesson on glaciers: 

Student:  So a glacier is like an ice cube floating in the water?
Me:  No, it’s much, much bigger than an ice cube…it’s like a big hunk of ice sliding down a mountain.  It’s a big hunk!
Student:  Just like me, Miss!

During my school's annual "Know Texas, Love Texas" parade, a student wandered out of the classroom across the hall:

Me:  Why are you out here?  What's your job for the parade?
Student:  I don't know.  
Me:  Ok.  You can welcome people and say things that will make them excited to go to your class to see your projects.
Student:  TRRRRRRRRRICKI TICKI!!!!!!!!!!

My co-teacher sent a student to my class to get me to sign some papers for an upcoming field trip.  I was in the middle of a guided reading lesson or something and it took me a few minutes to sign the papers.  After I signed them:

Student:  Five hours later!!

Two boys were arguing in the computer lab:

Boy 1 :  Miss, boy 2 is saying that I’m the ugliest person in the world, but I’m cuter than he is, right?
Me:  I think you’re both cute.
Boy 2:  Miss, did you know we have the same sister, but we’re not related?
Me:  ??? How does that work?
Boy 2:  Back then, my mom was with his dad, and they had a baby together.  My mom has lived with like four men.  But then she left his dad for my dad.  She got mad at his dad and just grabbed him by the hair and threw him outside.
Boy 1:  Nuh-uh.  If some woman tried to do that, my dad would just flex his muscles and be all, ‘No way.  I’m out of here.’  My dad has lived with lots of womans.  He’s had lots of babies with lots of womans.
Boy 3:  [out of nowhere] Miss, one time my dog had 48 puppies!
All of us:  hahahahahahahaha

Talking about a student who had moved to another school.

Me:  I saw [former student] at the grocery store the other day.
Student:  Uh?
Me:  You know, your friend from Spanish reading class.
Student:  Ah, si!  El gordito!  [puffing out cheeks and making motion of holding a big belly]
Me:  That’s not very nice!
Student:  Pos, yo tambien Mis! [Well, I'm chubby too!]

Talking with a student about how he needed to stop "cutting up" in class with two of his classmates.
Student:  She [classmate 1] has four debils [devils].  He [classmate 2] has one debil.  I have two debils.

My student was playing with an acorn during class, so I confiscated it.  After class:

Student:  Mees, can I have it back?
Me:  Why?
Student:  Because I love it.

Student:  Miss, how’s your life? 
Me:  It’s good.
Student:  [gasp] Mine’s not [gasp]
Me: [gasp]
Student:  Just kidding.
Another student:  Mine’s better
Student:  She’s rich, Miss, that’s why.  I can’t even afford a ranch.

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